Dear Maanushi
Thankfully your uncle Ramesh
took this photograph of ours. The first time when I got chance to hold my
princess. I felt that your sparkling eyes were searching for me. That you
recognized me. I felt that you would say Baba at that very moment. You were not
crying but just looking at me. I already felt like a proud father when you were
in my arms. That moment I promised to myself that I would always be there for
my princess and would always keep her happy.
This one is the
photograph of your first day at school. That morning how happy you were to wear
that new school uniform of yours. I had ironed it twice on request of my
princess, blue shirt and white skirt. Your mother dressed you up so neat. Then my dear daughter came to
Baba showing her new uniform and school bag. How sad that at another moment you
had cried so bad as schoolbus came to pick you up. The way you were crying over
my shoulders I thought I would never sent you to school. Thankfully, your mother had the guts to carry
you to school bus or otherwise I would have never sent you to school. You and
your mother made me feel like king as you both were my Queen and Princess.
Here is another
photograph. This one is when you were recovering from Typhoid. I also remember that
night as if it was yesterday when your mother and I had to take you to hospital
at midnight as you puked everything you ate. You almost gave your mother and I
mini heart attack. I could not sleep for entire week as you were admitted in
hospital. When you were sleeping in that hospital bed I used to think if we could
exchange our positions then I would take all your pain but then looking at you
getting recovered was the best feeling a father could feel. It was like the
storm had calmed down.
Till today I have
nightmares of that heartbreaking instant when your mother left us. That usual
Sunday morning which suddenly turned out to be so unusual. At that corner of
street when her car was hit by truck. I heard that she died instantly. I was
not there in her last moment of life. Your mother and I ,we used to talk that if
we had to leave this world then we would leave together.
At that time, I could
not have survived if you were not there standing beside me. I know you cried
all night. I could hear you scream your mothers name but next morning you were
the one showing me your brave face. When I could not even handle myself you had
faith in me. Every single day you told me that I had to move on. I had to show
courage. You told me that your mother would not be happy if she saw me at that
state. Telling me that everything will be fine. At least we had eachother. I
would have forgotten to live if it were not you holding my hands. My daughter
you had valor. You took care of me like my mother.At that time I realized that
my daughter is no ordinary person. She is a brave lioness just like her mother.
I knew my daughter could face any problems in this earth.
Look here this is
photograph of your 5th birthday when your mother and I had decided
to gift you a white apron. You wanted to
become a doctor back then. After that at the age of seven you wanted to become
a pilot. You used to be so happy looking at every aeroplane passingby. You were
so determined to fly that huge object in sky back then. At the age of thirteen you wanted to become an
engineer. Sometimes I wonder what would you have chosen to be if November 27,
2012 had not happened.
I am so sorry Maanu, I
could not become a responsible father. November 27, 2012 the day when I had
been preparing for your birthday party. That evening, when we were supposed to
be cutting your birthday cake I was called to identify your body. I remember shock then instantly another moment I
could feel my heart exploding with pain. My head feeling burnt and my body felt
like it was trapped in a cage. Then I screamed so loud and after that I remember
darkness.
You told me a day
before that there were guys who were making you feel uncomfortable in your
college. Later you told me that you can handle that problem. I wish I had not
decided to wait for another day. I wish if only I had came to your college that
very day. I would have my daughter with me. Everything would be different. I
was so stupid. I am extremely sorry Maanu. Your father was not there for you
when you needed him most. I was not able to keep my promise.
After that day I don’t
remember living all I do is breath. Now all those animals who tortured my
flower are behind the bars. I made sure that every person who made you suffer
would suffer. After three years of remorse still I don’t see a bright light but
today morning I felt that I could be happy. After three years of living nobody I decide not to
live anymore.
I thought you and your
mother Rekha were important in my life but now I know that you both are my
life. I wonder why my beloved are taken away from me so early. Why both of you had
to die that way? Why are people so bad? Don’t they realize that their acts can
actually harm other people in a very bad way. Why people don’t treasure the
lives of other people?
I don’t want to stay
here anymore. I choose to be with my family. My Queen and princess are
certainly waiting for me up there. I have already fought my battle. I imagine
getting a pat by you both right now. At this point of time ironically I have
lines of your favourite song going on in my head.
There
is a better place from this. Emptiness.
Lots of love
Baba
Headlines: 13 January,
2016; One old man named Vikash Malla was found dead in his house in Kathmandu.
Police found a bottle of poison, a letter and many of his old photographs near
his dead body.
